Kathie

Tonight I was putting away some jewelry and saw a special piece of paper poking out of the bottom. I rarely take it out and look at it becuase I can’t read it without crying. Before I tell you about the paper, let me tell you about my Aunt Kathie. I met Aunt Kathie when I was ten. My parents divorced and my Mom met Pete, our future step-dad. I hated him, I hated the idea of him, his family, everything. Of course now, I couldn’t live without one of them.

Kathie was the wife of Pete’s brother, Chris. She was a firey redhead with alot of spunk (from my point of view). She also was the first person who made me feel comfortable in this new, strange family. My step-family is Greek and it was very difficult for my blond mother and her daughters to fit in to that (think of a certain movie). Well Kathie was the only good part of that. When my Mom married Pete, I stood next to Kathie in my fancy dress, bouquet, flowers. I cried through the whole ceremony. She distracted me and held my hand. She and my Uncle Chris moved in next door within a couple of years. When they brought home their baby daughter, Gina, we were there immediately. I remember holding her that day and how wonderful that feeling was as a twelve year-old. I babysat for Gina quite a bit. When I had a birthday, Kathy was there. When I had a fight with my Mom, I could talk to her about it. When I broke up with a boyfriend, Kathy was my shoulder. She was there as I got ready for my prom, when I left for college and when I severely disappointed my mother by becoming a Mormon. She was the one who MADE me register for china when my cheap Mormon friends told me china was not an important element of getting married. She and my Mom were best friends and sisters and Kathie helped me plan a big, huge surprise party for her birthday.

Well, in May of 2003, mom called me to tell me Kathie had been diagnosed with cancer. This strong, incredible role model of mine was sick. She went througt the chemo, lost her hair, threw up, lost weight and looked like shit. Through it all she was the ultimate in strong and optimistic but it beat her. It took about a year before it was apparent Kathie was going to die. In fact, while her family was out of town camping, she called and asked if my husband would come over and adjust her (he’s a chiropractor and her back was killing her from only being able to breathe in the sitting position and needing to stay that way for a couple of days). He ended up calling 9-1-1 because he knew she was dying and her family was twelve hours away. She didn’t want to die without them.

She went to the hospital and was put on a ventilator. She had my mom call my sister and I so that she could say good-bye to us. Kathie couldn’t talk because of being on a ventilator and had to write notes. That note is the piece of paper I pulled out of my jewelry box tonight. Here is part of what she wrote: “I loved you since the moment we met and you were full of dreams of fulfilling the world. You had/have so much love and hope in you. I used to think that is what my daughter should be like!” When I shook my head and said thank you, she wrote, “No thank you for letting me share your life.”

This is the part that is really hitting home with me right now…”You take care of your children and mom. But remember your husband. He has faults but no one is perfect. Absent some horrible sin everyone deserves chance after chance…we live in a disposable society, husbands are not.” She went on to tell me to take care of her daughter and be there for her. Kathie had written letters to Gina that she would open on her graduation day, her wedding day, etc. She had pieces of jewelry organized to give to Gina at certain times in her life. And she wanted me to be a part of all that. She wrote, “I want my daughter to be just like you”

Kathie died the next morning. She made the decision to turn off her ventilator and let her life end at the age of 43. My cousin, Gina, was 16 when she lost her mom. The worst part of this story is that Gina was killed in a car accident only nine months later. These two beautiful women are only in my life as feelings, memories, thoughts…but I still love them very much.

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