Let’s go to America to see a mall

Today, I took my daughters school shopping and of course we must endure the mall while school shopping. We visited some stores, bought some versions of todays “must have” for my twelve year-old and ate in the food court (Sbarro, of course). People watching is at it’s best in this mall’s food court. Great Lakes Crossing Mall was opened less than ten years ago in northern Oakland County, Michigan. It was designed as an outlet/novelty mall that would draw crowds from afar to partake in the many wonders contained therein. Novelties that are available include; the marvelously overpriced Rainforest Cafe, the glorious “As Seen on TV” store, Glow…in which everything glows in the dark including the white bra under your unknowingly see-through shirt, a Fudge Shop with microphone-toting fudge makers standing by to draw people into spending $5 on a piece of fudge (complete with fudge scent pumped into area ventilation shafts). Handsome men with fake european accents are available to hurl a toy airplane at your head and make your child believe they CANNOT live without it, all the while flirting with thirty-something mom to ensure the completion of the sale. Yes, Great Lakes Crossing was a wonder to behold. People from all over Michigan were told that driving hours in their cars or large buses would be well worth the trip. I wonder if they think so as I see them with their swollen feet, empty wallets, and matching “Great Lakes Crossing” shopping bags as they wearily hobble out of the huge mall at the end of the day. But, NOW, several years later, all this has changed.

The wonder is gone. The novelty of this place has worn off for most. Fudge Shop is closed, fake europeans have moved on, Glow turned off it’s black lights (thank goodness…my bra is forever grateful). You can still visit the Rainforest (any time you want with no wait) or step inside your TV but now be careful to do any of that on a Friday or Saturday night, according to one of my very perkiest and suburban upper-middle class coworkers. She is leary of this place at all anymore and sticks to the brand new fancy mall that opened just two years ago near her house. The shadow of sickness has spread over Great Lakes Crossing. No soccer moms go there now, ghetto kids have found a haven to play in, and many stores are vacant. BUT, today there was hope!! As we left with our low-rise jeans and something called a “shrug” (just kidding, of course I know what a shrug is), my daughters were in awe. We saw a full tour bus unloading asians who were obviously on vacation from ASIA and came all the way to America, to enrich themselves with the experience of being in the land of the free, home of the brave and, of course, to visit Great Lakes Crossing mall.

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