BTW, neither of us will “die that way”.

e

When the worst happened 2 years ago–I chose to quit talking to my sisters. I was very traumatized by that. This time–it feels freeing. Now that both my parents are gone–I CAN CHOOSE to be free of them. They have always been poison to me. My ex–every time I would express sadness over not being close to them anymore–he would say, ‘Why in the h*ll would you want to be close to THOSE TWO?’

It isn’t easy to do–to walk away, but this has been COMING FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.

What you have been writing has been what I’ve been going through IN THE HERE AND NOW. It has been very therapeutic for me.

You stated: “He doesn’t remember her when she was beautiful–and my mother was beautiful at one time.”

Wow, this sums up how I felt, too. As the years passed, I couldn’t even remember when she was beautiful anymore. She was the constant reminder of how awful I was, we were, it all was. As she spiraled she pulled us all down with her. Who wants to be sad, lonely, and depressed alone?

And so we *all* became trapped into her poison. I was the only sibling who pushed back against it, and to my detriment. I asked all my sibs to agree to a “pact” where we would either cut her off when she started attacking one of us, or simply stand up and say, “I can’t talk like this, it’s destructive to the family.”

When my dad found this out, he called me to attack me for doing it and that was our last real conversation. I took control of my life, I told him he’d *never* again attack me for trying to manage *his* wife and how she was killing me, all of us with her poison.

Gah! It’s so awful to go through.

e

“One of the strangest, most out-there vision-based kookfest doctrines in Mormonism is called the “Calling and Election Made Sure”. This incredulous belief states that a person can receive a guarantee form Christ himself that he or she will achieve exaltation, or highest level planet ownership. Now imagine what happens if you’re a leading General Authority or Priesthood holder and you need some attention. Simple! Start telling those around you that you were visited by Christ and you received your *calling and election made sure*. No one can say you didn’t, not one person can challenge it! It can only happen between you and Christ!”

I meant this to be in the original post.

e

The first thing he said to me when I talked to him after she died–he said that she no longer has to worry. She, too, had mental illness and mormonism exacerbates it. I loved the chapter–but especially that last paragraph.

I have made peace with my parents already. I divorced my 2 sisters yesterday. It is what I have needed to do almost my entire life. I feel my parents, wherever they are, understand why.

THANK YOU for this chapter. It is so much what I’ve been going through now.

(As for visions–you are right, the sane mormons didn’t tell their visions. I learned that after I left the church, I still had “visions”–I always thought of them as inspiration. Now I feel what mine have been is intuition.)