Smackdown is Pending
My posts, of late, have been so philosophical and zen and all about the lessons I’m learning in life. If anyone were to read them, they’d think I have pretty good perspective about things and am open to accepting the aforementioned lessons as they roll into my life. The thing is, this is mostly true. I’m generally a pretty open-minded and accepting person. I HAVE learned that the more I consider all aspects of a situation or person before judging, things end up better. At the very least, I am happier. I can take it all in, process what I need to and then let it go.
Lately, I have realized that this is not the case when it comes to HER. Before you get too excited, HER is not someone you know. It’s not someone I am related to, not someone my kids are related to, not someone you are friends with on facebook or someone you know in any other area of your life. It is not the HER that anyone, who doesn’t intimately know me very, very well, could imagine it would be. This HER is a person that has done me wrong. End of story. There is no “HER side” of the story. There is nothing but HER BEING EVIL, and that is the only way I can see the thing. It was easy to hate her from afar because the hate meter was never stimulated by her presence in my proximity. Though she is somewhat proximal, my mental zenicity would convince me that she didn’t matter and I should move on. Yes I freaking should. Move on. I should consider the freaking source. I should realize that she is the spawn of the devil and stay-a-way.
Then one day, I could feel it. My hate-meter was being tickled in a way that I’d never felt before. I sensed the presence of HER. It was like when Luke Skywalker said, in The Return of the Jedi, “I’ve endangered the mission. I shouldn’t have come.” I closed my eyes, inhaled and realized that Darth Freaking Vader was standing right behind me. All of my zenicity was gone. All of the negative feelings flooded in. My arm was being simultaneously sliced and cauterized by her red lightsaber. Nothing can be done at this point but stare at my stump of an arm and use all my anger to…continue to hate HER.
It’d be easy to follow the force and maintain my zenicity if I could walk away from the fight with my stump, get my robotic arm and never face HER again but I cannot. Unless something drastically changes, the HER will be maintaining an unavoidable proximity in my life for the next few years. And here I remain with my stump, unable to unload my hate. HER is the first person that I can pretty much genuinely say I hate. I hate hate. I hate that I hate. But yet I hate…and it’s all her fault.
As I was explaining all of this to my amazing husband I had to warn him that a smackdown is most definitely pending. There will be a time when HER-Vader will approach me and I will whip it out (my beautiful green saber) and I will do it. I will knock her over, cut off her arm, smack her face, pull her hair, screech obscenities and repeat until I collapse from exhaustion. One day, he will see a side of me that will only exist in my perfect storm of proximity, hate, PMS, sleep-deprivation and hunger. I had to warn him and then, very hesitantly ask, “Will you leave me when this happens?”. As long as he doesn’t leave me, I think the smackdown may cure the hate and zinicity will solely reside. If he leaves me because of what he’s witnessed, it will be ALL HER FAULT.
No related posts.
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
test Filed under Uncategorized | Tags: bitch, hate | Comments (2)2 Responses to “Smackdown is Pending”
Leave a Reply
Yes, this sounds familiar. I had a “her” also. Except it was a lot closer to home. She was lucky that she didn’t live in the same state as I did at the time of my full anger. I really was afraid that if I saw her i would have punched or slapped her in the face.
She is still the devil but I have moved on and left her in her miserable jealous pit that she chooses to stay in. What is it with these devil woman that are consumed with jealousy? It’s always the well meaning nice girl that they choose to target. I had nothing for love for this person. Weird.
I too have a HER in my life and recently I was contemplating a smackdown of my own. In my fantasy smackdown, I was going to confront her in front of her so-called friends that she says the most dreadful things about when they aren’t around, let it all out, tell them exactly what she thinks of them, call a spade a spade and hopefully then, I would have my satisfaction. This HER hurt me deeply and completely betrayed me, made me rethink how to determine if a friend was really a true friend and wonder if I imagined our friendship to begin with. After all, this was someone that I poured my heart out to when I was at a low point in my life, cried on her shoulder, shared inner most secrets with…you get my point. So one day last week, I was at blockbuster with my family when I noticed a display box with clearanced out books. (The entire drive to blockbuster I was contemplating my smackdown mind you) So here in plain sight is Joel Osteen’s book “Your Best Life”. As I am thumbing through it, I open up a page to the title Bitterness Be Gone. It follows by saying:
If you want to live your best life now, you must be quick to forgive. Learn to let go of the hurts and pains of the past. Don’t let bitterness take root in your life. Maybe someone lied about you, a good friend betrayed you, and you have good reason to be angy and bitter. For your emotional and spiritual health you must let your anger and bitterness go. It doesn’t make sense to hold onto it. After all, you can’t do anything about the past, but you can do something about the future. You might as well forgive the people who offended you, and start trusting God to make it up to you. Inner turmoil causes the heart to become poisoned and will affect our daily lives. If we have bitterness on the inside, it’s going to end up contaminating everything that comes out of us. It will contaminate our personalities and our attitudes, as well as how we treat other people.
I immediately showed it to my husband, and we both decided the God wanted me to see that book to help me with what I was dealing with….I hope sharing this with you has helped you too.
I think you recieved your payback when you met your wonderful husband, you are truly blessed and I must say the happiest married woman I have ever met. Take pride in that, and when you see the HER, take a deep breath!