Time is a Bitch…and she’s HERE NOW

My oldest kid is getting ready to graduate. There is so much to do that I’m getting buried and overwhelmed. I’ve started this monster thing by planning an open house for her. How am I supposed to feed dozens of people when I can’t even feed my family without major head-scratching? The most overwhelming thing isn’t the food, though. It’s the fact that my kid is GRADUATING. She’s got a prom dress. You can’t graduate without that. She’s taken all of her AP exams. She’s chosen a college. She is *this* close. This is exciting and scary for her but for me it is petrifying. In that it makes me feel as if I am as old as petrified wood.

On the other end of the spectrum, I’m watching my two remaining grandmothers go through possibly their final challenges. For both of them, it seems as if they are winding down. How do I type that? My grandmothers are dying. They seem to be ready for it. Grandma Moe just wants us to take her home, let her sit in her chair facing the lake and watch the sunset while she goes. Yia Yia (on the Greek side) has entered hospice care and knows that her time is limited. Even though they are both ready for this and they have both had full lives, it’s very hard to think about them dying because it seems as if it automatically signals the end of something big in my life. I guess it’s my childhood. I have so many childhood memories of my grandparents. They are ALL good and they are all about the indulgence of being a child.

Between the kid going away and the grandmas trying to go away, I find myself being very pensive about time and life and the concept of being here now. I truly believe the lessons I’ve been given so far by whatever universal power that may be out there (or that may be inside of myself) have all been trying to teach me to do that. To enjoy this moment right now, even though right now Kate is practicing her clarinet and having a really hard time hitting those high notes which makes my teeth feel like needles.

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